Missing Mimi

Watching Rent. It's actually the first time I've seen it since Timmy bought it for several weeks ago. I love Mimi Marquez. I've loved her since the first time I saw the show. I was worried when I read they would be casting someone new to play Mimi for the movie. It made sense; no way Daphne Ruben-Vega could do it. Rosario Dawson - I'm not sure I could have asked for a better Mimi.

But tonight my heart hurts a little. I love Mimi. I'm drawn to her. She is vibrant and beautiful. She is filled with passion. She lives every moment with no thought of tomorrow. She is reckless. No concern for consequences. There's "no day but today." It's appealing, but it's also infuriating. Mimi almost kills herself with her lifestyle. In fact, in La Boheme, which is the inspiration for Rent, Mimi actually dies. Her life is dangerous, really dangerous.

A very special friend reminds me of her. I can't help but see her throughout this movie. She's the embodiment of Mimi Marquez. I never knew someone so full of life and yet so empty. Can't really have both, can you. I miss her. It's been over a year and I miss her. I miss her smile and her laughter. I miss her hugs. I could go to her and she would just hug me while I cried. No questions asked, she just hugged me and loved me. She made me feel so loved, unconditionally, no strings attached. A found a Valentine's day card she gave me a few years back, and I think it may be the most perfect, beautiful, and touching card I ever received. I never had to explain myself to her; she just accepted me for me. And I had to walk away from her. That was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and even though, I understand why and I am grateful for all that has happened since, my heart still hurts. I miss her. I wonder what's going on in her life. I wonder if she hates me, if I became like all those other Christians that hurt her. I really miss her and, yet, I understand why things happen the way they did. I suppose I will mourn her for a long time. I would hope that she knows that I never stopped loving her. That I think of her still and pray for her still. And that she will always live in a special place in my heart.