31 March 2006
Where's Timmy?
So according to my father-in-law, I'm quite hung up on Timmy. Apparently, my blogging seeps sappiness. In my defense, I am currently unemployed and don't do much without Timmy. And I should hope that three weeks into my marriage, I am still crazy in love. With that said, where's Timmy? Your dad has heard too much of my mushy rantings. And George, I am going to refrain from commenting on the fact that at this moment I am crying because I just finished watching Fools Rush In and one day I am looking forward to having a family with your son. But I will refrain :)
30 March 2006
I'm sick.
I feel like I have been sick for a while. That's because I've been fighting something for a few weeks now. There was one night on our honeymoon, actually early morning, that Timmy had to go out to the store to get me stuff for my throat. Dito, he's so good to me. So, the last two days have been unpleasant: sore throat, aches, pain, sinus congestion. My neck is achy. My ears hurt. So sad. I'm quit pathetic actually, and Timmy makes fun of me.
For the first time ever NyQuil isn't working. NyQuil always works. When I am sick, I live on NyQuil and DayQuil. Last night, I tossed and turned for like 2.5 hours. I also have that restless leg thing, well, I've never been diagnosed but I think I definitely have it. So, I couldn't fall asleep and my leg kept twitching. I went and laid on the couch so Timmy could get some sleep. You know how sad that was. He worked Sat, Sun, and Mon, and I missed him sooooo much. Then the first night he is home again, and I couldn't lay down, much less sleep. It was so sad. We went to the store tonight and got some others meds. Hopefully, this will let me sleep next to my husband tonight since he goes back to work tomorrow and Friday night. Boo.
And speaking of my wonderful husband, despite the fact that he teases me since I sound all funny sick and am just a pathetic sick person, he is also so good to me. He humored the fact that I really wanted some rasperry sorbet after kinship. We went to Wawa, which is where we normally get my sorbet, but nope. So, he offers to try another Wawa. So good to me. Next Wawa, no sorbet. Then we went to Acme, closed. Then to Pathmark and it appeared that there wasn't any there either. But he searched through all the sorbet and found my rasperry sorbet. So good to me. He's going to be great when I'm actually pregnant :)
For the first time ever NyQuil isn't working. NyQuil always works. When I am sick, I live on NyQuil and DayQuil. Last night, I tossed and turned for like 2.5 hours. I also have that restless leg thing, well, I've never been diagnosed but I think I definitely have it. So, I couldn't fall asleep and my leg kept twitching. I went and laid on the couch so Timmy could get some sleep. You know how sad that was. He worked Sat, Sun, and Mon, and I missed him sooooo much. Then the first night he is home again, and I couldn't lay down, much less sleep. It was so sad. We went to the store tonight and got some others meds. Hopefully, this will let me sleep next to my husband tonight since he goes back to work tomorrow and Friday night. Boo.
And speaking of my wonderful husband, despite the fact that he teases me since I sound all funny sick and am just a pathetic sick person, he is also so good to me. He humored the fact that I really wanted some rasperry sorbet after kinship. We went to Wawa, which is where we normally get my sorbet, but nope. So, he offers to try another Wawa. So good to me. Next Wawa, no sorbet. Then we went to Acme, closed. Then to Pathmark and it appeared that there wasn't any there either. But he searched through all the sorbet and found my rasperry sorbet. So good to me. He's going to be great when I'm actually pregnant :)
26 March 2006
Erika.
Erika moved back to Columbus today. I got a little choked up when I said goodbye to her in the kitchen last night, but I knew to make it fast or I might get really emotional. And I was fine until Timmy said goodbye to her. I was already outside holding the door open for Timmy to come out. But he leaned over to hug Erika goodbye and she said "you take care of my girl." And I just felt something in my heart.
Over the last 3.5 years, Erika has cared so much for me. She was the one who invited me to come check out her small group. Rachel and I visited and still haven't left. Erika has prayed me and loved me and listened to me go on and on and on. For at least a year, I think, we got together for breakfast every other Friday morning. She would say "so, what's going on?" and I would talk for the next 1.5 hours. And she always seemed genuinely interested in all of it. And I could count on her to pray for me. And she would pray for me on the spot - on the phone, at restaurants, in parking lots, it didn't matter. I once told her I was having the hardest time praying and focusing, so for a few weeks, she called me every morning at 830am so we could pray together. Indeed she is one of my pastors, not officially, but she has been a pastor to me. And that is why it was so important to me that she be a part of our wedding some how. And thinking back on it, I'm so glad her part was to pray for us. How appropriate!
She has taken very good care of me, and last night I felt her let go. And that was sad but it was so good. I know she will always be there. In fact, I know I'll be calling and emailing her especially as I learn to be a wife. But I feel so much stronger and more stable than I ever have, and for those times when I'm not feeling strong or stable, I have Timmy. It was like she passed it onto him. "You take care of my girl."
Over the last 3.5 years, Erika has cared so much for me. She was the one who invited me to come check out her small group. Rachel and I visited and still haven't left. Erika has prayed me and loved me and listened to me go on and on and on. For at least a year, I think, we got together for breakfast every other Friday morning. She would say "so, what's going on?" and I would talk for the next 1.5 hours. And she always seemed genuinely interested in all of it. And I could count on her to pray for me. And she would pray for me on the spot - on the phone, at restaurants, in parking lots, it didn't matter. I once told her I was having the hardest time praying and focusing, so for a few weeks, she called me every morning at 830am so we could pray together. Indeed she is one of my pastors, not officially, but she has been a pastor to me. And that is why it was so important to me that she be a part of our wedding some how. And thinking back on it, I'm so glad her part was to pray for us. How appropriate!
She has taken very good care of me, and last night I felt her let go. And that was sad but it was so good. I know she will always be there. In fact, I know I'll be calling and emailing her especially as I learn to be a wife. But I feel so much stronger and more stable than I ever have, and for those times when I'm not feeling strong or stable, I have Timmy. It was like she passed it onto him. "You take care of my girl."
23 March 2006
The Kiss
It's true. I had my first kiss on my wedding day.
I wish I could say that a long time ago God revealed to me that He wanted me to wait to share my first kiss with my husband. No, for years I thought something was wrong with me, that I was some sort of freak. I didn't understand and I cried - a lot. Night after night after night, I cried myself to sleep not understanding what God was doing. Then about a year and a half ago, just a few months before Timmy and I met, God spoke to me. One afternoon while praying and reflecting on sexual purity and sexual sin, God spoke to me. It was as clear as anything. Deep in my heart, it all made sense. I can't just casually kiss anyone. It isn't in my nature to do that. When it happens I need to know this is it, I need to know he is the one. And not like I knew others were the one. No, I need to know because we have discussed it. We have prayed about it. We have discussed it with our friends, our family, our pastors. And it dawned on me, we need to be talking about marriage. We need to be engaged.
But I happened to be reading this book about Christian men and their fight for sexual purity and I really believed God wasn't just saying the kiss would happen when I was engaged but when I was married. I didn't like that - at all. I was tired of waiting. I was ready for my kiss. Man that was hard to hear. I spent a while thinking and praying about it but the truth was there was no real thought or prayer necessary because it instantly made perfect sense. I still didn't want to rush into any definite decision but it was so settled - deep inside of me. And I felt great!! I found such freedom. It was like getting a glimpse into God's plan for me and my husband. I was honored that He should care so much for our marriage that He would protect it so much. I was honored that after years of guarding it Himself, He felt confident enough in me to let me guard it myself. It was a huge responsibility, but I felt up to it. That is until I met a boy.
I was fine with my decision about the kiss. I really believed it was God's doing. I had a male friend say to me "good luck with that" when I told him what was going on. And my response to him was "well, good thing I'm only looking for one." If the guy isn't into it, that very clearly tells me to move on. In fact, it was the night that I told Timmy about the kiss, that I asked God "is this it?" Up to that point I was trying to be really cool and not let myself start thinking too much. But Timmy's response was so amazing that I had to ask God if this was the one He wanted for me. And well, you know the answer to that one :)
It wasn't until a little after our engagement that I really began to struggle with "the kiss." Up to that point, I was fine with waiting, but then, well, I really wanted to kiss Timmy. And I was annoyed and frustrated about it but still completely convicted. And again Timmy was amazing. He embraced my decision and he made it is own. And when I really struggled, he refused to let me give in. I'll never forget the night, with both his hands, he grabbed my lips, looked me straight in the eyes and said "this is important." He was right and God had given me a man that understood. God is so good.
I wish I could say the lack of a kiss made my attempt at sexual purity easier- yeah right - in a way it made it whole lot harder. I am no where near sexual purity. But no matter how I struggled, no matter how Timmy and I struggled, we clung to that kiss and to the promise that it would all be worth it.
And it was. It was so worth it.
Do you know that E-Harmony commercial that says "Imagine a first kiss with the passion of a lifetime behind it"? I got all choked up the first time I saw that commercial after the wedding. That's what I had - a first kiss with all the passion of a lifetime behind it. Since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of that kiss. And for many, many years, I cried out to God not understanding what was going on. But He understood and on March 11, I really understood. Those of you who were there may have noticed that I was pretty calm and in control during the wedding ceremony. That is until I heard those words I have been waiting to hear "Tim, you may now kiss your bride." Over the last several months, that decision, that promise between me and God had developed a real voice and that was voice was Patrick's. I needed to hear Patrick say it and then I would know it was right and that it was completely supported by God. And when Patrick said it, I broke down. 26 years was in that kiss. 16 years of daydreaming and wondering was in that kiss. And even more so, a promise of a lifetime to be shared was in that kiss.
And it was so worth it.
I'm not really sure why I am writing all of this. Probably because I like to talk :)
God is good. He knows what's going on. He knows me better than I know myself. And there is a song that Avalon sings, and in the past I found a lot of hope in that song. And it just came to mind while I was getting ready to close up this entry. Yes, God is good.
The Dreams I Dream for You
Chorus
The dreams I dream for you
Are deeper than the ones you're clinging to
More precious than the finest things you knew
And truer than the treasures you pursue
Let the old dreams die
Like stars that fade from view
Then take the cup I offer
And drink deeply of
The dreams I dream for you
I wish I could say that a long time ago God revealed to me that He wanted me to wait to share my first kiss with my husband. No, for years I thought something was wrong with me, that I was some sort of freak. I didn't understand and I cried - a lot. Night after night after night, I cried myself to sleep not understanding what God was doing. Then about a year and a half ago, just a few months before Timmy and I met, God spoke to me. One afternoon while praying and reflecting on sexual purity and sexual sin, God spoke to me. It was as clear as anything. Deep in my heart, it all made sense. I can't just casually kiss anyone. It isn't in my nature to do that. When it happens I need to know this is it, I need to know he is the one. And not like I knew others were the one. No, I need to know because we have discussed it. We have prayed about it. We have discussed it with our friends, our family, our pastors. And it dawned on me, we need to be talking about marriage. We need to be engaged.
But I happened to be reading this book about Christian men and their fight for sexual purity and I really believed God wasn't just saying the kiss would happen when I was engaged but when I was married. I didn't like that - at all. I was tired of waiting. I was ready for my kiss. Man that was hard to hear. I spent a while thinking and praying about it but the truth was there was no real thought or prayer necessary because it instantly made perfect sense. I still didn't want to rush into any definite decision but it was so settled - deep inside of me. And I felt great!! I found such freedom. It was like getting a glimpse into God's plan for me and my husband. I was honored that He should care so much for our marriage that He would protect it so much. I was honored that after years of guarding it Himself, He felt confident enough in me to let me guard it myself. It was a huge responsibility, but I felt up to it. That is until I met a boy.
I was fine with my decision about the kiss. I really believed it was God's doing. I had a male friend say to me "good luck with that" when I told him what was going on. And my response to him was "well, good thing I'm only looking for one." If the guy isn't into it, that very clearly tells me to move on. In fact, it was the night that I told Timmy about the kiss, that I asked God "is this it?" Up to that point I was trying to be really cool and not let myself start thinking too much. But Timmy's response was so amazing that I had to ask God if this was the one He wanted for me. And well, you know the answer to that one :)
It wasn't until a little after our engagement that I really began to struggle with "the kiss." Up to that point, I was fine with waiting, but then, well, I really wanted to kiss Timmy. And I was annoyed and frustrated about it but still completely convicted. And again Timmy was amazing. He embraced my decision and he made it is own. And when I really struggled, he refused to let me give in. I'll never forget the night, with both his hands, he grabbed my lips, looked me straight in the eyes and said "this is important." He was right and God had given me a man that understood. God is so good.
I wish I could say the lack of a kiss made my attempt at sexual purity easier- yeah right - in a way it made it whole lot harder. I am no where near sexual purity. But no matter how I struggled, no matter how Timmy and I struggled, we clung to that kiss and to the promise that it would all be worth it.
And it was. It was so worth it.
Do you know that E-Harmony commercial that says "Imagine a first kiss with the passion of a lifetime behind it"? I got all choked up the first time I saw that commercial after the wedding. That's what I had - a first kiss with all the passion of a lifetime behind it. Since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of that kiss. And for many, many years, I cried out to God not understanding what was going on. But He understood and on March 11, I really understood. Those of you who were there may have noticed that I was pretty calm and in control during the wedding ceremony. That is until I heard those words I have been waiting to hear "Tim, you may now kiss your bride." Over the last several months, that decision, that promise between me and God had developed a real voice and that was voice was Patrick's. I needed to hear Patrick say it and then I would know it was right and that it was completely supported by God. And when Patrick said it, I broke down. 26 years was in that kiss. 16 years of daydreaming and wondering was in that kiss. And even more so, a promise of a lifetime to be shared was in that kiss.
And it was so worth it.
I'm not really sure why I am writing all of this. Probably because I like to talk :)
God is good. He knows what's going on. He knows me better than I know myself. And there is a song that Avalon sings, and in the past I found a lot of hope in that song. And it just came to mind while I was getting ready to close up this entry. Yes, God is good.
The Dreams I Dream for You
Chorus
The dreams I dream for you
Are deeper than the ones you're clinging to
More precious than the finest things you knew
And truer than the treasures you pursue
Let the old dreams die
Like stars that fade from view
Then take the cup I offer
And drink deeply of
The dreams I dream for you
Hi.
Yes we are back, and although spending my honeymoon with the Florida spring breakers was wonderful, I am happy to be back home. I'm really wanting to get back into some sort of routine. I have been out of whack for months. However, I'm not happy that Timmy is back at work - boo. The apartment is still relatively new, so there are creepy noises and stuff. I don't like being here alone at night, and I don't like falling asleep without him. So, I'm up late even though I am tired. Hey, but on the bright side, I'm currently watching the funniest episode of Roseanne ever on Nick at Night.
11 March 2006
peace out!
It was a beautiful day in all possible ways. Thank you to everyone involved. This girl couldn't have asked for more - mostly because of the man who said he will be with me forever. Yup, I couldn't ask for more.
All my love
Melissa Kaiser - yay!
All my love
Melissa Kaiser - yay!
10 March 2006
Almost There.
For months I begged Patrick to marry Timmy and me sooner than March 11. I cried and cried out of pure frustration. I felt like I had no control over my own life. At times I found myself really angry at Patrick, mostly because I respected him too much to just run off and get married. I want Patrick to marry us, and it was important enough that I was willing to wait no matter how much I hated it and no matter how much I cried.
Well, now I am less than 48 hours from being married. Actually it's more like 36 hours. I can't believe it. It hasn't hit me at all. My greatest dream of the last 16 years is 36 hours from coming true.
I wonder when it will hit me. Tomorrow at the rehearsal. Tomorrow night when I say goodnight to Timmy. Saturday morning as my sister is doing my hair. Saturday afternoon as she zips up my dress. When I'm waiting for the doors to the sanctuary to open. When I first catch eyes with Timmy. When he places another ring on my finger. When I place one on his. When Patrick says "Tim, you may now kiss your bride." When I finally give him my kiss. When I first hear "Ladies and Gentlemen, Tim and Melissa Kaiser." When my sister and I first hug. So many possible moments. I wonder when it will be.
One o'clock in the morning. Tonight some of the ladies came over to our new apartment and we enjoyed my last restful evening as a single lady. Timmy and the boys are doing what Timmy and the boys do - poker, beer, and pipes. As he said earlier tonight, "it's the closest thing to a bachelor party I'm gonna get because it's the closet thing I'll accept." Can I tell you how wonderful it feels to know he isn't out getting drunk and looking for one last fling. He is a good man, and I am a blessed woman. Yay!
Well, now I am less than 48 hours from being married. Actually it's more like 36 hours. I can't believe it. It hasn't hit me at all. My greatest dream of the last 16 years is 36 hours from coming true.
I wonder when it will hit me. Tomorrow at the rehearsal. Tomorrow night when I say goodnight to Timmy. Saturday morning as my sister is doing my hair. Saturday afternoon as she zips up my dress. When I'm waiting for the doors to the sanctuary to open. When I first catch eyes with Timmy. When he places another ring on my finger. When I place one on his. When Patrick says "Tim, you may now kiss your bride." When I finally give him my kiss. When I first hear "Ladies and Gentlemen, Tim and Melissa Kaiser." When my sister and I first hug. So many possible moments. I wonder when it will be.
One o'clock in the morning. Tonight some of the ladies came over to our new apartment and we enjoyed my last restful evening as a single lady. Timmy and the boys are doing what Timmy and the boys do - poker, beer, and pipes. As he said earlier tonight, "it's the closest thing to a bachelor party I'm gonna get because it's the closet thing I'll accept." Can I tell you how wonderful it feels to know he isn't out getting drunk and looking for one last fling. He is a good man, and I am a blessed woman. Yay!
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