So Close

This was an email I sent to Patrick and Erika earlier today. The subject was "Just Had to Share."


Hello Crawfords!!

I just had to share my poker story from Sunday night. The Lazurs had a Memorial Day picnic Sunday night. The evening ended with a poker game: the Kaisers, Lazurs, and Curtises. All game I was getting not pleasant cards, and I wasn't happy about it. Then, I got J-Q of spades, with which I was happy. I was the first to act, so I called. Everyone else called. Abby was the big blind and short stacked, so she went all in. I was the first one who had to respond to her all in. I could cover her, but I was the next short stack after her. All night Abby only played when she actually had a hand. So sadly, I decided to fold. As I slid the cards over to Sherri, I said, "I finally get a decent hand and I have to fold." Everyone else folded to Abby's all in except for Mark, who cover her bet no problem. She then said something like, "It's not really that I have a great hand. It's more like I think it's time for the game to end and I start cleaning up." I took a peak at Abby's hand: 9-4 off suit. Bummer. The flop came out and included the 10 and K of spades. I was annoyed - big time. I folded my arms, threw myself back into my seat, and silently pouted. For months I have been saying that I want to see a straight flush happen. I saw it once on tv, but I want to see it actually happen. I don't remember what the turn was because I was grumbling in my head. I only saw the river - that horrible river - the ace of spades. Yes, the ace of spades. I shot up in my seat, flipped over all the cards that had been folded and burned, pulled out my J-Q of spades, and threw them beside the 10-K-A of spades. Royal flush. I folded what would have been a royal flush. The best hand in all of poker, and I threw it away. I never dreamed of a royal flush. I didn't think it could actually happen. All I wanted was a straight flush. Nope, royal flush - even better. There it was, and I was pissed. I felt sour the rest of the night. I asked the table if I had done the right thing. Mark said that was a though call. Timmy wasn't so reassuring. He said I should have called her bet. So sad. Mark took the pot. Abby was out of the game. Two hands later, I was out of the game. Might as well, my mind left the game with that royal flush. I'm still heartbroken. And I had to share my pain.

Hope you are doing well and having better poker nights than I am.

Love. Melissa



Sigh :(

Civic Duty

So I had jury duty today. People were complaining all day long that it was taking so long, even though it clearly said on the summons that we should expect to be there until at least 4 or 5pm. The air conditioning in the court house was also "on the blink" today, so people complained about that all day long too - even though it was maybe 70 degrees at the most. All of that complaining was nothing, though, compared to the mindless drivel and chit chat I had to listen to amongst my fellow Americans while I just tried to read a stinking book.

"Yeah, I know talking on cell phones is illegal in New Jersey."

"You have to use a hands free thing in Pennsylvania, otherwise it's against the law."

"It's against the law in Pennsylvania? I do it all the time and I've never been pulled over."

"Yeah, it's illegal unless you have a hands free thing."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I clip mine on the sun visor and put it on speaker phone. I might get one of them saw tooth things, though."

"Those things are weird. People look like robots."

"Yeah. But it's illegal to just hold the phone and talk on it in Pennsylvania."

"I wonder why you don't see more people get pulled over for that."

"I don't know. Well, like with seatbelts, they can't pull you over for it, they can just give you an extra ticket if you get pulled over for something else."

"So you could get pulled over for talking on the cell phone and then get an extra ticket for not having your seatbelt buckled."

"Double whammy."

"It's kind of like that thing where you're supposed to turn your headlights on in a construction zone. Nobody does it."

"Wait, what's this?"

"Yeah, there's signs. You're supposed to turn your lights on when you go through construction zones."

"I never saw those signs."

"Yeah, there always there but nobody does it."

"You'd think the guys holding the slow down signs would be able to tell people to turn them on or something."

"One of those guys got hit by a car a couple weeks ago."

"That's a dangerous job."

"Yeah. But they make good money."

I kid you not. This is not a fabricated conversation. It really happened. And there was more. This other guy was telling someone about a movie with Jennifer Lopez in it, but he wasn't sure if her name was Jennifer Lopez. So in order to try and think of her name, he went on to go through pretty much the entire plot line of the movie "Enough". The entire plot line.

Thanks for reading.

X3

Well, I definitely felt like something of a dork going to see X-men 3 on opening day. But that said, I still found it to be pretty freakin' good. It was perhaps my favorite of the three movies, actually. Mostly because it didn't try to be anything more than what it was - a movie based on a comic book. And plus there was Beast. No Nightcrawler, but at least one blue good guy. Anyway. Yes. I recommend it. Whether you consider yourself a nerd or not.



ps: I want to go see it again. Only, this time I'm going to dress up as Magneto and talk in the "Kip" voice the whole time. Hawesome.

Harry Potter and Friends

I finally saw Harry Potter. I hadn't seen any of them until this last week when I finally saw all four. And no, I haven't read the books. I found them fairly entertaining. I enjoyed Goblet of Fire most. I thought it was exciting and it didn't seem long like the other ones. Although I agree with Timmy, some of those scenes seem a bit much for children. Next I enjoyed Chamber of Secrets, mostly because I thought it was more exciting than Sorceror's Stone and less confusing than Prisoner of Azkhaban. I thought Sorcerors with cute, but that's pretty much it. Harry looked the cutest in Prisoner of Azkhaban, but the plot twist confused me so that spoiled it for me. Overall I was very pleased with them and look forward to the Order of the Phoenix.

In other movie series news, a few weeks ago I saw X1 and X2. I saw the first one a while back. I remember enjoying it, but not enough to see the second one. Timmy told me I had to see them since we would be going to the theaters when X3 came out. So, I rewatched X1 and I had the same impression: entertaining but okay. But I really liked X2 - a lot - and it made me really excited to see X3. Timmy and I are hoping to see it tomorrow afternoon before he goes to work provided his doctor appointment doesn't run late.

Next up in movie series is Lord of the Rings. Also, never have seen them. Never have read them. Never had a desire to do either. But Timmy said I really need to watch it and I think he has convinced me enough that I actually want to give it a try.

All this watching movie series reminds of me of the summer of 2001 when Matthew made me watch the entire Indiana Jones series. He couldn't handle that I hadn't seen them. Again, I remember enjoying them but I haven't seen them again and I couldn't tell you anything about them. Oh, except that River Phoenix was in the one - I like River Phoenix :)

Strange Sounds From Below

The downstairs neighbors have been playing their stereo entirely too loudly more and more lately. The thing that makes this even more interesting/baffling/funny is that the past two days the music has taken a distinctively.... Jesus-y tone. I know, right?

Yesterday, Missy and I had just gotten home from a brief attempt at playing tennis (on a day that turned out to be too windy.) I was taking off my sneakers when the stereo started. What was it? "Mary Did You Know," as performed by (what I'm assuming was) John Tesh. Okay, weird. The next song sounded like some sort of southern baptist gospel jam. Weirder. Then the third song was "Amazing Love", which is one of the songs I'm playing in church on Sunday morning. Weirdest. Well, weirdest until this afternoon, anyway.

I was getting ready for work when the bass thumping began again. I jokingly went out and told Melissa that she should be more considerate and not play her stereo so loudly. (She was watching TV.) I couldn't really hear what the music was at that point, though. Not until several minutes later did Melissa realize that we were being treated to DC Talk's "Jesus Freak" album. Oh. Oh my.

Needless to say, if we hear the windows rattling over the blare of Sandi Patti tomorrow, I may require professional counseling. We'll see.

Woo Hoo! I didn't pass out!

As many of you know, a few weeks ago I went on my first bike ride in about 13 years. After only a mile, while going up a very short, not at all steep hill, I almost passed out. Vision blurry. Hearing fuzzy. Couldn't move my legs. Lips were white. Timmy went into paramedic mode, and after a few minutes I was okay. Later he went into husband mode, and he wasn't so happy. He sadly refers to that bike ride as "the day I almost killed you." He didn't almost kill me. I am completely out of shape and I think I strained myself and held my breath while trying to go up that slight hill.

But today, we gave it another try. I put on all my gear. Since our last outing, Timmy has bought me some toys: a hydration pack, a helmet, and gloves. All in a pretty light blue - my biking color :) Then we went on a ride around our neighborhood, and I didn't pass out. Not even close! We did hit one hill that I didn't especially like and I thought about stopping 3/4 of the way up. But I kept going and kept breathing. I was really intentional about breathing. I still couldn't go very far. We did 3.3 miles together, a lot of it was downhill, but still today was a very big step.

Where Were You At 1am?

I was sitting in an ambulance, falling asleep for 5 minute periods and wondering how a basement fire takes 3 hours to put out and clean up. It was great. Really.

The Perfect Stranger

I saw something really amusing while I was watching the TVGuide channel tonight. I noticed that a movie called "The Perfect Stranger" with a summary that included the words "an uncut erotic film" was on TBN. On TBN? TBN? Trinity Broadcasting Network? So, of course, I had to flip to channel 60 and check it out. It was the opening credits to the movie and it said it was "The Perfect Stranger." And scrolling across the screen was "Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN)programming is now available on Channel #18. Channel 60 TBN will go off air on Monday, May 15." I started to giggle. "So the movie they air now that TBN has moved is some uncut erotic movie. You've got to be kidding."

I had to watch some more. But thankfully, I had misread something along the way. There was not an inappropriate movie on what was just two days ago the Trinity Broadcasting Network. In fact, it was a Christian movie. And it was a pretty good movie. I usually expect them to be so cheesy that I have to change the channel, but I found this movie very interesting with a very catching premise. The movie is about a female attorney who gets an anonymous dinner invitation. When she shows up to dinner, an attractive man in a suit, very business-like, introduces himself as Jesus. She, of course, thinks it's a joke or that he's crazy. But she remains at the table, and he persuades her to talk to him as if he were Jesus.

95% of the movie is their conversation over dinner. Questions she has. Intellectual doubts. Personal hangups. It was actually really good. Of course, there was some level of...I wouldn't say cheese, but just awkwardness the way questions were asked. It was so obviously a movie reaching out to nonChristians with those kinds of questions. But still, the answers were good and worded in a way that made sense. I kept waiting to jump on one of his answers. But no, it was good. I was impressed. I wouldn't be opposed to my nonChristian friends watching that movie. I would tell them that it's just an interesting way to think about those questions and not to expect an Oscar film. And at the end, there was even a moment, when I sighed and said "dito."

But what would a Christian movie without making me roll my eyes. Jesus walks her to her car and they have a touching goodbye. Then she gets in her car and sits down, her face went from tears. She turns her head, looks out the window, and in the distance is Jesus walking away. But it isn't the blonde attractive man in a business suit. It's the traditional image of Jesus. Long dark hair. Fair skin. Beard. Traditional garb. I was slightly annoyed that they had to revert back to that image. Not that I am opposed to that image. I just thought the movie was going so well. That it was different. It didn't have to go there. That's why I rolled my eyes a little. But overall, I really liked the movie. I thought it was good.

And what a thought: dinner with Jesus, live and in person.

Fireworks.... Not For Sale

We were driving to my appointment with the allergist this morning when we passed a fireworks store on Chester Pike in Eddystone. It's a real brick and mortar building, not just one of those tents you see on country roads in parts of Pennsyltucky. I had seen a billboard for same store along I-95 in Upper Chi and wondered, "Did they make fireworks legal in PA now?" As it turns out, no, they remain illegal. What's the point, you ask? Well, there's a big sign on the front of the building that says something to the effect of, "Sales to PA residents not permitted." Hmmm. So you can sell fireworks in Pennsylvania to non-Pennsylvanians who are going to take the explosives back to their home state (supposedly) to shoot them off. Neat. And sort of dumbtarded also. Oh well.

"News"

The Daily Times, following in the fine footsteps of 6ABC, proves that news doesn't necessarily have to be accurate in order for it to be sensational:

(My notes are in italics.)

ASTON -- The men who pulled a young boy from a precarious quarry ledge Sunday had practiced the routine many times. In fact, they had trained in the quarry off Knowlton Road where the 13-year-old had fallen. The boy, who fell some 75 feet onto a rock surface, is recovering with a few broken ribs and a punctured lung.

Every time this story gets updated, the fall gets higher. It was maybe a 20 foot straight dropoff and then another 30-40 drop at an 80 degree grade down to the ledge.

"It’s amazing he’s alive," said Dave Durbano, one of several Green Ridge Fire Company volunteers who rushed to the boy’s aid.

Durbano, Mike Evans, Ken Dawson Jr. and Mike Porter worked together to lower the boy to safety. Porter, who is certified to teach rope-rescue techniques, was fitted with a harness and lowered to the ledge as the rest of the men secured a main anchor and belay line.

"It’s all teamwork, that’s all it is," Durbano said.

Gary Plotts, an EMT with the fire company, was the first to arrive on the ledge, having been given a boost by the company’s ladder truck. Plotts said the boy was surprisingly calm and alert.

He was first on the ledge because he insisted that he go first to "make sure it's safe" for us to get off of the ladder. Because he was clearly more well versed in dirt quality than the rest of us.

"He was doing very well," Plotts said.

Plotts saw the boy’s cell phone had landed nearby. He later used it to allow the boy to speak with his mother, who witnessed the rescue from the quarry floor.

The boy said "hi mom" to his mother into my Nextel while my supervisor held his Nextel up for the mother to hear. The boy had a Nextel too, but it had just fallen off that same 17,000 foot high cliff and landed on a rock.

His mother no doubt drew a sharp breath when Porter, who was descending with the boy strapped into a carrier basket, slipped on the loose gravel of the quarry wall. The basket swung and Porter flipped upside down before righting himself.

He didn't even come close to flipping upside down. The basket went to maybe a 45 degree angle, but that's about it. That's clearly evident on the video.

The safety lines, however, did their job. In rescues attempts like this, problems are predicted and countered before they happen, otherwise people die.

"We weren’t going to drop him," Evans said, serious all of a sudden. "It’s all in the rigging."

The men shrugged off the day’s events. It’s something they were trained to do, and they weren’t surprised that everything went according to plan. Still, they are quick to smile and one can’t help feel the men are proud to have been part of saving a life, especially one that survived a fall that probably would have killed anyone else.

They shrugged off the day's events.... right after they gave the interview to the newspaper, made sure their names were spelled right and posed for a group picture.

The fire company’s captain, Sean Joyce, was also in good spirits as the rescuers recounted their efforts at the firehouse Monday night. One of the things Joyce remembers about Sunday’s ordeal was what another company EMT, Sarah Distachio, was doing when the emergency crews first arrived.

"She was trying to reassure the boy and she thought singing would help," Joyce said, laughing.

A few bars of "Mary had a little lamb," had the kid smiling, according to Joyce, who was standing with Distachio at the top of the cliff. When another volunteer grew queasy from the 125-foot vertical drop, Joyce offered a different diagnosis.

"I said he was nauseous because of the singing."

Again, the 125 foor vertical drop? Not hardly. Besides that, I don't know if the Mary had a little lamb thing is true or not, but I find it hilarious either way. There's nothing a 13 year old boy finds cooler than people singing childrens songs to them. He probably was probably laughing at her, not smiling because he was comforted.

The rescuers trained in the quarry, not far from where the boy fell. But they also had to participate in an eight-day training course at Ralph Stover State Park, where mock rescues are practiced on 250-foot cliffs.

It’s because of the training, which is "drilled into your head," according to the men, that when the real thing happens and someone’s life is in their hands, they can focus on the task at hand and do what needs to be done.

"You train for the worst and you go for the best," Plotts said.

God bless us, every one!

©DelcoTimes 2006

What I Did With My Sunday Afternoon

Did you see the Channel 6 news last night or this morning? If so, you may have caught a glimpse of a hot looking dude in uniform saving lives. Okay, so there were a few people in uniform. But really, I had on shades. That automatically makes me the hottest. I can't get a screen capture of the part of the video that shows me best, but you can see the video here and try to spot me.

Some stills they had available online:

The Scene:



The back of my head as I get ready to climb the ladder. (Also pictured is my partner, Dan McCracken. Blah, blah, blah.):



My co-worker, Mike Porter, hogging the spotlight:



A wider angle:



Finally on the ground and getting ready to go:



Oh, and the kid who fell was fine. Blah, blah, blah. I was on the news.

Correction

I'm wrong and everyone else is right. It's probably easier that way.

George, George, George

Oh, dear father. Just as I expected that you would comment on that post from Melissa, so you must expect that I will return the volley. (Even though it's more likely an issue that we should just agree to disagree on.)

For those who didn't see the referred to comment as yet:

Well, seeing how you're expecting it...
As for the scotch, a little leads to a lot. I can get you a cushy assignment on the Blue Route Crew when Uncle Walter picks you up some night.
And the pipes? Pink lungs are a terrible thing to waste.
Have a great day!

Posted by Dad who you didn't learn that from.

First things first, a little does not always lead to a lot. Some men abuse women, but that doesn't mean that we all will and should consequently swear them off all together. Some men work too much, but that doesn't mean that we should all remain unemployed. There must be some allowance for personal discretion, self-control and peer accountability.


So far as the community service remark, I think we're safe there for two specific reasons:

a) 1/8th of a glass of Scotch consumed over the course of a couple hours would probably register on a breathalyzer in much the same way that a mouthful of Listerine would.

b) I've, luckily, not yet run into a DUI checkpoint walking down the stairs from the attic to the kitchen. (Come on, do I seem either social enough to go out drinking or stupid enough to drive after doing so?)


And lastly, yes, I do agree that pink lungs are a terrible thing to waste. That's why it's a good thing that both cigar and pipe smoke are intended to be savored in the mouth, not inhaled into the lungs. The point (for me) is the taste, not the nicotine rush that most cigarette smokers tend to seek. Inhaling the smoke causes a more thorough and expedient absorption of nicotine into the blood stream via the exchange of gases in the alveoli. I don't even drink caffeine but 2 or 3 times in any given month because it makes me jittery, and the same goes for nicotine. If I smoked every day I would never get any sleep. Which is just one of the reasons why I basically only smoke a pipe or cigar a few times a month, mostly when hanging out with other boys.

Again, as I began, arguing about these topics isn't likely to achieve anything, since we both believe ourselves to be right. Paul wrote something about this in Romans (Chapter 14, vss 5-7):

One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.

This concludes my contentiousness for today.

Posted by the son who occasionally has a drink or smokes a pipe and yet is still going to heaven. (Okay, so I guess I wasn't completely done yet. But I am now. Honest.)

Pipes and Guns

This past Thursday my sister Melody and her friend Robin came over for dinner. It was a fun evening of making quesadillas, looking through wedding photos, and chatting. But then the real fun began when Timmy, Melody, and Robin headed upstairs to his clubhouse.



When Melody learned that Timmy enjoyed smoking pipes, she wanted him to give her a lesson. Timmy was more than happy to share the art of pipes especially since he had the perfect pipe just for her. Robin and I just sat back and watched the two of them bond over pipes and scotch.



Well, we were all hanging out in Timmy's clubhouse, so the fun continued when Melody noticed Timmy's airsoft gun. She instantly felt the Charlie's Angels in her swell up.



She felt powerful...



and well, we felt fear.



Then she discovered the face mask and the really big gun.



"Don't mess with me."


Good times.

In case you were curious...

As reported on CNN.com,

Top 10 driving pet peeves

1. Distracted drivers talking on cell phones (28.5 percent)
2. Slow drivers in the fast lane (21.6 percent)
3. Pushy drivers who tailgate (18.1 percent)
4. Drivers who weave through traffic to gain one or two car lengths (12.5 percent)
5. Obnoxious drivers who speed up to keep you from changing lanes (5.5 percent)
6. Hasty drivers who change lanes without signaling (4.9 percent)
7. Road Rage (2.7 percent)
8. Motorcyclists who race down the middle of a lane, between cars (2.1 percent)
9. Women applying makeup and men shaving (1.7 percent)
10. Drivers who leave their turn signal on for miles (0.92 percent)

Source: Hagerty Insurance

Sigh

It would be awesome to be able to just laugh at this, but man, part of me wants to cry too.

It's Official!!

Today, I got a letter from the Social Security office that I should be receiving my new social security card in about two weeks. And the letter was addressed to Melissa Kaiser - that makes me official - woo hoo!! Just to clarify, I wasn't hesitating about the name change; I have always looked forward to changing my name when I got married. I love the thought of fully embracing my husband and becoming completely his, even in name. But I was just being lazy because I can be really lazy sometimes.

In similar news, Timmy got a summons for jury duty. Those were the only two pieces of mail we got today and they were both exciting.

A Study In Depravity

Of all the things I thought I might do at work today, studying Calvinism wasn't really something that came to mind. Yet, remarkably, there I was sitting in the parking lot of the Commerce Bank in Aston contemplating the total depravity of man.

We were at the bank (which is located next door to the Aston Police Station) so my partner, Dan, could deposit his paycheck. He'd gone inside to take care of his business while I waited in the ambulance. Out of the bank came a younger looking fellow who got into the Jeep Cherokee parked next to me. It was one of the ones that has gold trim, lettering and such that I always find just a little bit pretentious. As he was backing out of the parking spot I caught view of the front end of his vehicle: it was dented, there was just one "flood light" remaining and I couldn't help but mutter, "Oh yes, very gangsta," under my breath. (No, my pseudo racism was not the study in depravity... this time.) Suddenly, the back tires of his vehicle jumped the curb behind him and he slammed on the brakes. The "Oh, nuts" look on his face was priceless, yet also somewhat confusing. It seemed to show something more than, "I hit a curb." He pulled forward, back into the parking spot and I saw why - he'd backed up onto the curb and into the sign for the drivethrough teller:



Oops.

Now, mind you, this wasn't a love tap. The sign is planted (and wired) into the ground and was thoroughly knocked askew. At any rate, the young man got out and went around the back to inspect his bumper. It must not have been the worse for wear, because he quickly turned his attention to the sign he'd hit. He walked over and tried pushing it back into place, but to no avail.

It was around this time that Dan came walking out of the bank and got back into the ambulance. "What's that all about?" he asked. So I gave him the lowdown and told him that now I was just waiting to see what the kid was going to do - go into the bank and tell them, or get back into his car and drive away. I could tell he was wrestling with the decision in his head already, but then he looked up and saw that I'd been sitting there the whole time and his dilemna really set in. He walked back over and sat down in his Jeep while I waited with baited breath & a notepad in hand to take down his license plate if he tried to drive away. And so we both waited.

About five minutes passed and there was no movement. The cynic in me assumes he was waiting for us to leave, but I suppose he was maybe on the phone consulting his parents and/or insurance provider. The impass continued, however, and so finally Dan said, "This is boring. Why don't we just call the police station and tell them about it?" This option seemed much less exciting, but as I was due to be done work for the day in a little under half an hour, I agreed that this was the most viable option.

We called over to the station and an officer came across the driveway to help the young man "make the right choice". And so, instead of just an insurance claim he also got a citation.

A lesson in Calvinism? Maybe that's a bit of a stretch. But the whole episode really did cause me to ponder how self serving we all are, when you get down to the nitty gritty. There but for the grace of God go I.

Mobilize!

Received this little group message on the Myspace:

On May 15th all myspace members should not go to the gas station in protest high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a gallon in most places. There are 72,110,073 members currently on the network, and the average car takes about 20 to 30 dollars to fill up. If all myspace members did not go to the pump on the 15th it would take $2,163,302,190.00 out of the oil companys pockets for just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May 15th and lets try to put a dent in the oil industry for at least one day.

Needless to say, I've been inspired by this genius. Remember in The Day After Tomorrow: Dennis Quaid presents his theory about the melting of the polar ice caps causing a massive desalination of the Atlantic Ocean, thus disrupting the North Atlantic current and eventually causing a new ice age? Well, I'm obviously opposed to this process. So, as a means of protest, I think that on May 15th (since we will all have some free time, due to the lack of gas pumping) everyone in America should go piss in the ocean. This will doubtlessly increase the salt level to a safe level for at least one day. Let's get together on this one, people!