I'm still hurting. It's been three or four days since I met with the personal trainer. I completely skipped my workout yesterday. Well, technically, I declared it my weekly day of rest. But really, I could hardly move. My calf is aching. Today, I'm limping a little still. It loosened up during the day and I forced myself to go to the gym. I only did 30 minutes on the elliptical, though, because I did not want to push myself. And I'm glad I went to the gym. The elliptical felt good. So long as I kept a good pace, I didn't even notice any discomfort in my calf.

Tomorrow is the last day of the month, which means it is my official weigh in day. Since I haven't been feeling great, I decided to weigh in today, just in case I choose not to go to the gym tomorrow. Again, I'm glad I went to the gym. Another four pounds gone and I am two pounds from reaching my goal.

The funny thing is that my weight read .10 pounds. And my first thought is "that's because I haven't pooped today yet and I ate two slices of pizza for lunch." True story. Forgive me if it's too graphic, but it is my blog. So, provided my calf is up to it, I hope to go back to the gym tomorrow when it's my official weigh in day and see what the scale says. Maybe it will tell me that I lost five pounds in October and I am one pound from my goal :)

Oh my goodness. Yesterday I met with a personal trainer for the first time ever and today I hurt.

This past month has been difficult with my workouts. I've been super tired and feeling generally weak. Those two things, along with the cooler weather, make food, particularly bad food, more of a temptation. So, I'm a little nervous about my weigh in on Monday. Then again, I'm nervous before every weigh in.

I'm six pounds from my goal weight and I have until Thanksgiving to achieve that. I'm feeling pretty optimistic that I will make goal. If by chance, I don't make goal, I'm not devastated. I feel great. I look great. And I know that I will make goal before the end of the year.

Since I've hit a motivational wall and I'm approaching my goal, I thought it would be a good idea to meet with a personal trainer. I just wanted to ask some questions and get some tips for how to proceed. She put together a workout for me that focuses on the core and losing inches. We went through most of it yesterday and I knew instantly that I was going to feel it today.

I woke up this morning and I could feel it. Not terrible but definitely that "I just want to lay here and not move" feeling. I decided I would not go to the gym. I would take the day to rest. But since this isn't my regularly scheduled day of rest, I felt guilty and couldn't fall back asleep.

So I went. I did about a 1/3 of her workout and I had to stop. I couldn't do it. I was beat. But it was a good beat.

So here's the new plan. I'm not going to start with her workout plan right away. I'm going to work up to her plan. I did a third of the workout. I'm going to do that third for the next few days and then I will add a bit more until I get to the full thing.

But today, I'm going to limp along and be continually reminded that I still have a long way to go before I am a lean, mean, fitness machine :)

This weekend I did something I haven't done in a very long time. I went to Denny's on a Sunday at 10pm with some young single friends. It was like I was back in college, but I had a husband sitting next to me.

During this very late, very unhealthy dinner, my one friend received a text. She then said that so-and-so just had a DTR. In case you don't know what I am talking about - DTR stands for "defining the relationship." It's that talk between a guy and a girl, the "so what are we?" talk. DTR makes me laugh. I never heard this expression until a few years ago, long after I was married. My impression is that this expression is primarily used among the female population. I don't really see guys has saying, "I need to have a DTR soon."

This little moment got me thinking about my DTR with Timmy. It still makes me smile. I was sitting on his couch. We were holding hands. We had just starting holding hands maybe a week earlier and I had never held hands with boy before. So, it was a big deal for me. As a girl, I was pretty sure I knew what was going on with us but I needed to define the relationship. So, I looked at Timmy and asked "are you my boyfriend?" His response, "I sure hope so." Still makes me giggle because of how great it felt and how funny it was considering I was 25 and Timmy was 27. He-he.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I've been listening to a sermon series on Song of Songs. The series is called "The Peasant Princess" by Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill Seattle. I finished the series earlier this week. After listening to the whole thing, I would highly recommend it. I don't agree with everything he says, but I agree, and passionately agree, with a lot of what he says.

For my friends who are married - Even if you're happy and you'd say things are good, I'd still recommend this series. I'm really happy and I think things are really good with Timmy, but I'd love for things to be even better. I'd also like to be proactive in protecting and nurturing this good thing God has given me. Throughout the whole series, he offer questions to ask your spouse on the car ride home. Great questions to spark conversation and invest in the relationship. I've been challenged throughout this whole series to seek even more God in my marriage and I believe I'm seeing fruit already.

For my friends who would like to be married someday - I'd recommend this series. He encourages single people to develop a strong theology of marriage before you get married. Know what you believe. Know what you want. Know what you won't settle for. It will help you date well and seek a spouse well. He also encourages single people to start dealing with their sin, particular their sexual sin, before marriage. Marriage doesn't just wipe away your sin, even if it's sin committed with the person you eventually married. The consequences of sin still exist. I know from experience. Might as well start working on that before you get married. It will do you and your spouse a huge service.

For my friends who have no desire to be married - ever - I'd still recommend this series. Someone had emailed Mark Driscoll that this series was pointless to them. One of the comments he made is that even if you have no desire to ever be married, you're friends with married people right. You want to support them and speak into their lives. You have single friends who want to be married. You want to support them and speak into their lives too. Right? Married people are all around and we should know how to love them. Similarly, single people are all around and we should know how to love them too. FYI - I've listened to a few great sermons about singleness for this very reason.

This morning I'm thinking about one particular quotation from the series. He said "God's purpose for marriage isn't always happiness but it is always holiness." If I consider my relationship with God himself, it isn't always happy. There are times when I am angry at God, when I'm confused, when I don't want to speak to him, when I blatantly ignore him. But our relationship is based on his love for me and the holiness he desires for me. So, he'll say things like "I know you're angry with me and you don't want to talk about this, but we are going to deal with this issue." God desires happiness for me but not above his desire for my holiness. If that's the case for my relationship with God, what makes me think my marriage would be any different.

I actually don't think it's any different. A lot of times my marriage feels pretty easy. We have challenges, areas of growth and repentance. I've asked God to help me. Often times it comes down to God wanting to refine me and that bleeds into my marriage. However, all around me, I hear things like "I'm not happy anymore" and so it leads to divorce. Or "I'm not happy anymore" and that's where the conversation ends. Perhaps it's where God wants to begin the conversation about sin and brokenness. Perhaps it's where God wants to bring healing and reconciliation. Perhaps where God wants to teach something new about marriage.

"The purpose of marriage isn't always happiness; it is always holiness." I think that's a keeper.

I'm in need of some reflection.

Today was a great day. No, it was an awesome day. Blue Route Vineyard Community Church now has two campuses.

We've been talking about this for years. One of the perks to being on staff is that I'm privy to the pastor's thoughts before they are solidified or announced. We've been discussing and considering multisites for a few years. For the last few months, we've been working to making this actually happen.

Timmy and I have been a part of the team from the very beginning. So, we've been feeling it. Or at least, I have been feeling it. During the summer, it felt like I was going to two churches. I had all my commitments to the Media campus, but I also had weekly (sometimes twice a week) meetings for the Ridley campus. In addition, my work at the church office increased because of the second campus. When September rolled around, I was thrilled because my Media commitments ended and I felt like I could breathe again. But Ridley still has been very time consuming.

I can't imagine how much harder planting a church from scratch is. You start with nothing but a small committed team of people. We started this adventure with a small committed team of people but the support of an entire successful, stable congregation. We had their full support in every aspect - pastoral leading, finances, prayer, team members. Seriously, I can't imagine doing this from the ground up.

The last few weeks have been just as busy but it's been exciting in a different way. We've been in our building - Leiper Presbyterian Church in Swarthmore. Let me first say how incredible sweet the people at Leiper are. They are teaching me something about being Christians in the way they are supporting us, encouraging us, and showing us generosity. A truly special congregation. It's great to be in the building. To no longer be thinking about what we're doing but to actually be doing it. Every week, we build upon what we did the week before. We kept telling each other "it'll get better every week." Like the day when the video didn't work well and most of what we saw was Mark's floating head :) But every week, it does get better. There's something exciting about seeing how it will go next time. And as an admin person, it's just great to say "this is what we need now" or "this is how we can fix that."

And today was our launch. I don't know if my expectations were low or if God just wanted to blow up my high expectations. Today was incredible. I had a rough start to the day. I was snippy. I was in work mode. "Move out of my way, people. I've got work to do." But that stopped when a few of us gathered to pray before the service.

God came. He came to our pre-service prayer and he came to BRV | RIDLEY. We sensed him right away and throughout the entire service. There was so much. I think bullet points may be easier.

- God started healing Christi's hurt hip during pre-service prayer. She wasn't completely better but she wasn't limping anymore. I mean, healing before the service even started!

- The worship team and the AV team set up all our tech in 15 minutes!!! This was a big deal. You rock!!

- We had six people on the prayer team and three of them were guys. Say what?!?!

- Several of the Leiper folks stayed to worship with us. It was especially sweet when our team led us in How Great Thou Art.

- Christi rang the bell at the start of the service. The prayer team felt like she should do it today and as she rang it, it was us proclaiming victory.

- When Christi rang the bell, Jared Tindall started the service by welcoming everyone to the launch of our new service and invited everyone to join him in worship. It was truly special for Jared to do that. It's been a little weird for me not to have Mark present at Ridley. He's so a part of everything. Not just because he's the senior pastor and he's involved everything, but no one loves BRV like he does. He's been at every single important landmark in BRV's history, but he's not at Ridley. But his son opened the service today and led us in worshipping the Living God. Even now, my eyes are welling up a bit. It's like Mark was there and I see Mark's legacy and his hope coming to be.

- The entire worship team was under the age of 23. They're so young. It was awesome.

- 134 people. 107 adults and 27 children. Very cool.

- Pastor Bill and Mr. Neil from Leiper said a few words to us. My one regret of the day is that I didn't think to record their words until it was too late. First Pastor Bill made a joke "Sorry we didn't get the memo about the clothes" They were both wearing suits and ties :) Then Neil said "we're old school." He-he. He said "old school." Neil shared with us that the church is almost two hundred years old and now we're a part of that rich history. It fills my heart that we are part of this now. It fills my heart that they welcome us into their history. Over and over, Neil would say things like thousands of people, decades passing, a new congregation, but the same Spirit. How powerful. Then Pastor Bill shared with us a vision he had early this summer. While at a conference, he had a vision of their parking lot full of cars and their sanctuary filled with people. He said today that vision came to be. The people at Leiper are incredibly gracious. I really can't express into words what I feel when I see them and speak to them.

- The video sermon was awesome! Thank you, Mark, for wearing the Ridley shirt; we cheered when we saw it. Thank you for looking directly at the camera and saying hi; we said hi back. Thank you for acknowledging Dave Young; we applauded his hard work and he happened to be with us at that point. Thank you for thanking our Leiper friends; they were with us and did hear your kind and true words.

- Ministry was sweet. We prayed for a lot of people. I had a really special encounter with a woman. She grabbed my hand, said thank you, and then started crying. She couldn't even tell me her name. I just started praying for her and she grabbed me and cried on my shoulder. It was very quick and then she pulled back, thanked me and left. I don't have any clue what was going on with her, but she obviously encountered the Spirit of God.

- Christi was a rock star!! Every week we talk about what she can do to improve the following week and every week she gets better. Today, the woman who stood up front was the pastor. She didn't just try to be a pastor; she was the pastor. Mark and the council made a wise decision when they sought God about her. I am thrilled to work and serve with her. I'm proud to call her my pastor. I'm delighted to get to know her as my friend.

- After the service was just as much fun. Lots of hugs and high fives. Lots of "that was so great!" Lots of "God came." Lots of joy and gratitude.

- A group of us met up again for dinner at Iron Hill to celebrate the day and to celebrate the new Iron Hill/Burlap and Bean stout. It was great to rejoice with these people. Some of them are old friends; some of them are new friends. All of us shared in the special day and I was just really aware that we were in this together. When it happened and when it was great, we rejoiced together. They've been invested in this too. It's nice to be part of a team. And it was great to see Mark walk in through the door to celebrate with us :)

I know my thoughts are scattered, but there's just so much. I just wanted to throw out some of that and I wanted to share it with those of you who care.

Before I close out this post, one final thank you to one that truly did it all. Thank you God for loving us and letting us play. Thank you for loving Ridley and seeking after Ridley. Thank you for calling us into your community. Thank you for always being faithful. Thank you for showing yourself. Thank you for blessing BRV. May we always seek you and your kingdom.

"If I walk away from God, I'm capable of anything."

For the last few weeks, I've been listening to a lot of Mark Driscoll. Before anyone out there gets all bent out of shape, let me say that I know he is very controversial. Although, I don't agree with everything he says, I agree with most of what I hear. True, I mainly listen to his sermons on marriage, relationships, and sexuality, but I really, really agree with most of what he says on those topics.

Currently, I'm listening to an excellent sermon series entitled "The Peasant Princess" on the Song of Songs. Before you go downloading the podcasts on my recommendation, fair warning that Mark Driscoll is not one of those "Song of Songs is a metaphor between Christ and the Church." Uh-uh. Driscoll believes Song of Songs is a beautiful, passionate, at times explicit, love song about God's heart and intent for human marriage.

The sermon I listened to yesterday was filled with lots of great stuff, including some things that I nervously shared with my husband :) But what struck me the most was Driscoll's comment on Solomon. Driscoll began the whole series explaining that the Songs were written by King Solomon. Early in his days, God told Solomon that he could ask him for one thing and Solomon asked for wisdom. God granted him much wisdom. To this day, we benefit from his wisdom through the great gifts of Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Songs.

Songs is beautiful, idealistic, and hopeful. As a married woman, I read these poems and listen to these related sermons and I pray that I could live my life well, that I could love my husband well. And then Driscoll turned away from preaching directly from the Songs text. He then addressed the question that so many have asked about Solomon. How could this great man turn so bad? Or more specifically, how could the man of Song of Songs, who so loved his wife that it continues to be the standard for all married couples, fall so far? At some point, the Bible will speak of Solomon's 700 wives and 300 concubines. Wait what happened?

"If I walk away from God, I am capable of anything."

Solomon walked away from God. He walked so far away that the impossible seemed to have happened. One of the points Driscoll wanted to make is that no one is immune from sin and the devastation that it brings. So, often, people today says things like "I would never do that." Or "how barbaric were those people." One specific example he used was that Solomon actually built a temple for one of the gods worshipped by one of his wives. This particular god demanded the sacrifice of a child. Driscoll said that some today would say "how barbaric." He then pointed out that more children are sacrificed today than in that time. It's just labeled as choice. Now, I'm not trying to get into that particular argument here. The point Driscoll is making and I agree is that we are broken, twisted people capable of doing things we would never do under "normal circumstances."

And that's what I want to hold in my heart from yesterday's sermon. If I walk away from God, I am capable of anything.

I went to a wedding this weekend and there was dancing, lots of dancing. But I don't dance and neither does Timmy. But just because I don't dance doesn't mean I wouldn't love the occasional slow dance at a wedding. It isn't even because I want to dance. It's because I want to dance with Timmy. I think it's the lingering 12 year old girl in me, the one who dreamed about dancing with that special boy. Now, I have that special boy and he doesn't dance. I can't really blame him. I don't dance either, but it makes me a little sad at weddings to see other people dancing and not us.

I was talking to my pastor about this yesterday while we painted the new kids min room. She asked if I told Timmy and I said no. What I am about to say is one of those "silly girl things" that ladies will laugh at and agree with me and men will squint their eyes and tilt their heads in confusion. I don't want Timmy to dance with me just because I asked him to. I don't want to dance that much. I want Timmy to want to dance with me. I told you. Silly girl thing.

But the real reason I don't press the dancing at weddings is that Timmy's great to me. He might not be into public displays of affection (and I'm not referring to the gross PDAs you're thinking) but I have no doubt in my mind and in my heart that this kid loves me. He shows me and tells me all the time. Why would I fret about one missed dance at a wedding when I am confidently secure in his love for me?

I'm thinking about this today because of something Timmy did last night that loved me in just the right way. I didn't get home last night until around 7pm. Timmy started work at 3pm, so I hadn't seem him all day. The plan was for me and Jessie to stop by the station after work, but since I was running a few hours late, I decided to stay home. Around 9:30pm, the phone rang. It was the boy asking me to open the front door. He was standing there. He was out and thought to stop by for a minute to say goodnight. And it meant so, so, so much to me. More than a dance could ever.

I think one of the keys to marriage or at least my marriage is to acknowledge these little moments of love. To see them for what they are and to hold onto them. I sometimes feel like women are just waiting for their husbands to make these grand gestures of love and romance. They don't get it and they feel discontent with their marriage. But they didn't see the love in the day to day. They didn't appreciate all the love in the little things.

I am currently obsessed with milk. Timmy and I spent last week at the Vineyard National Worship Leaders Retreat - East in Asheville, NC. Breakfast is scheduled for two hours before the first session begins so Timmy and I have never made it to breakfast in our three years of attending. We just pack a bag filled with fresh fruit, bars, bagels, and snacks. When I finally make it to the cafeteria for lunch and dinner, I never really think about milk and I'm not sure I have ever seen milk. I think they only bring it out for breakfast. But then, at night, as it grows closer to bedtime, it happens. Milk!

All growing up, I would drink a glass of milk before I went to bed. I did it for years. Then it stopped around high school and I never quite picked it up again. Every now and then when it would get late and I was hungry, I would drink a big glass of milk. But now, things have changed and I think it all started with Slim Fast. For June, July, and August, I drank a Slim Fast shake twice a day. That's 16oz of milk everyday for three months. When I dropped Slim Fast, I found myself craving milk. I'd eat cereal for light meal or I'd drink 8oz as a 100 calorie snack. Actually, it's more like a 80 calorie snack.

But last week was rough. All I wanted was milk but no access to it without getting in a car. And one of our things when we go to Asheville is that we don't leave the facilities the entire week. So, I just craved milk all week. I'll give you one guess as to the first thing I did when I got home - we went to the store and bought milk and cereal. And when I got home, I had a delicious and satisfying bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Oh man, so good. That was on Friday night and today is Tuesday morning. Every morning I've had cereal and every night I've had a glass of milk. I've been to the grocery store every day since I got back because I keep forgetting something and I'm going to have to go back today or tomorrow because I need more milk.

I can only assume and hope that this is my body's way of saying "I need what's in the milk." Because I have this new rule and all this milk drinking breaks it. My rule, since I started my new diet five months ago, is that I do not consume my calories in liquid form. For me, it's not worth it. If I'm going to consume 150 calories, I want to eat it and chew it, not drink as an after thought and not even notice. So, for the last five months, I've mainly had water to drink. For dinner, I usually have a sugar free juice like Crystal Like or the generic version. Occasionally, when I go out, I might have a diet soda. Oh, and twice I went to Burlap and Bean and treated myself to one of our their hot beverages.

But really, for the most part, I don't consume calories in liquid form except for milk. But there's something special about milk. First of all, my body doesn't really crave other beverages on a regular basis any more, but it still craves milk. Second, there is something so satisfying about it. It feels like a snack. My body responds to it like food.

So that's my entirely too long of a rant about milk. But I was just sitting here finishing up my breakfast thinking, "Man, Milk. It really does do a body good."