10 March 2006

Almost There.

For months I begged Patrick to marry Timmy and me sooner than March 11. I cried and cried out of pure frustration. I felt like I had no control over my own life. At times I found myself really angry at Patrick, mostly because I respected him too much to just run off and get married. I want Patrick to marry us, and it was important enough that I was willing to wait no matter how much I hated it and no matter how much I cried.

Well, now I am less than 48 hours from being married. Actually it's more like 36 hours. I can't believe it. It hasn't hit me at all. My greatest dream of the last 16 years is 36 hours from coming true.

I wonder when it will hit me. Tomorrow at the rehearsal. Tomorrow night when I say goodnight to Timmy. Saturday morning as my sister is doing my hair. Saturday afternoon as she zips up my dress. When I'm waiting for the doors to the sanctuary to open. When I first catch eyes with Timmy. When he places another ring on my finger. When I place one on his. When Patrick says "Tim, you may now kiss your bride." When I finally give him my kiss. When I first hear "Ladies and Gentlemen, Tim and Melissa Kaiser." When my sister and I first hug. So many possible moments. I wonder when it will be.

One o'clock in the morning. Tonight some of the ladies came over to our new apartment and we enjoyed my last restful evening as a single lady. Timmy and the boys are doing what Timmy and the boys do - poker, beer, and pipes. As he said earlier tonight, "it's the closest thing to a bachelor party I'm gonna get because it's the closet thing I'll accept." Can I tell you how wonderful it feels to know he isn't out getting drunk and looking for one last fling. He is a good man, and I am a blessed woman. Yay!

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