5 pounds and I'm feeling good.

9lbs in the first five weeks. 5lbs in the second four weeks. I seriously cannot complain especially when you keep in mind a few things:

1 - I did really poorly with my diet especially at my weekly small group when there is an assortment of wonderful food.

2 - I had to modify my cardio because of an unstable ankle and knee.

3 - I definitely put a lot of attention into strength training and I'm developing muscles to show for it.

4 - I'm two months into a change in my lifestyle. Who knows how my body and my metabolism are adjusting to these changes.

So, two months into my three month challenge and I am one pound from my Stage One goal - not bad :)

Last chance workout today.

When I started my summer of healthy living, I decided it would be better if I just weighed myself once a month. Any more than that and I might drive myself crazy. So, I weighed myself on June 30 and in those first five weeks, I lost 9 pounds. I was really proud of myself. Now, it's July 31. I'm getting ready to head over to the gym for one last workout before I weigh in.

I'm nervous. This month was hard. Since I upped my workout, I decided to up my calorie intake by a little. However, I also started experiencing pains: chest was sore so it was hard to breath, my left ankle hurt and so did my right knee. Because of those little "injuries" and an attempt to prevent a real injury, I didn't go as hard on my workouts as I wanted. However, I didn't adjust my calorie intake for my lesser workouts. In fact, I ate even more this month. That's what happens when you have a very social month. Lots of hanging out with friends means lots of food.

So, I'm nervous. I keep telling myself that my original goal was 3-5 pounds a month for the first three months because I wanted to lose 15 pounds this summer. This goal is still easily attainable. It's just that beautiful, special 9 pound month spoiled me.

My pep talk: Take it easy, Melissa. You are doing great. Steady is the key here. Making life changes is the key here. Remember the number doesn't matter as much, so long as you are seeing changes in your body. And you are!

I've been missing a pair a jeans for a while. I wasn't sure what happened to them. I haven't worn them since before my Kaiser family vacation in early June. Well, I found them. Turns out they were exactly where they were supposed to be. I just didn't look carefully. And today, I put them out. I was literally jumping up and down with excitement and high-fiving and hugging Timmy. You see, I've been working out and trying to eat better. I've been really committed to getting healthy and losing some weight. I don't necessarily see the change day to day. I see little things here and there. I hear what my family and friends tell me. But not wearing one of my favorite jeans for almost two months and then putting them on definitely helped me see. And it was so stinkin' exciting!!

When I killed my mac mini earlier this year, I was preoccupied with one thing - save my music! And we did. But I just realized what else was on there that wasn't saved....all my IM conversations with Timmy when we first started dating. Included in that was the IM conversation that lead to the realization that this guy was "the one." I was remembering that night and that conversation. I was remembering how I was pacing around my room, saying to myself "no way! really? he's it. oh my goodness." Then I remembered how I wanted to scrapbook that conversation and that it was saved on....oh, wait! It was saved on the computer that I killed earlier this year. So sad :(

Healthy spirit. Healthy mind. Healthy body.

This is what I feel like God really wants from me. He wants me to be healthy. I believe he's calling me to stay focused mentally and not allow my thoughts to stray. I believe he's calling me to care for my body with good, sensible diet and exercise. I believe he's calling me to stay better connected to him and allow him to be the source of my mental and physical health.

Managing all three is difficult. It feels like you're juggling. The last few weeks have been pretty easy. I'm super motivated and excited. This week was a little harder and once it starts getting a little harder then I become less excited, which means less motivated, which means less disciplined and then it's even harder and the cycle continues.

I just want to keep going strong. My body is happy with me. My mind is happy with me. My spirit is happy with me. This healthy me is the me I want to be. I just need God to help me keep going.

This weekend was my crazy adventure: pushing a dead car off the highway; a five minute, $30 cab ride to a scary gas station where men were screaming and cursing and I was sure a gun would come out at any moment; an impromptu trip to EWR involving a shuttle and the AirTrain; $250 for a 24 hour, one way car rental; a 30 minute trip trying to cross the street; a no-show tow truck driver; $60 to prevent the car from being towed by the hotel. But at least the concert was awesome and the company was the best :)

I had many thoughts this weekend but two continue to stick with me.

First, I am very grateful for God's provision. Not the miraculous, supernatural provision in an emergency. I mean the day to day ways in which he always takes care of us like providing Timmy and I with jobs and the ability to save and providing us with AAA through Mary's generosity and mothering heart. This weekend was an inconvenience but it wasn't super stressful for me because I knew I had money in savings to get me back home and we had AAA to get the car back to Philadelphia. And I fully acknowledge that all of it is God's provision.

Second, I'm an adult. I very seldomly feel like an adult. It's my theory that I won't feel like one until I have a child. But then I have one of those days when I walk right into the Newark International Airport and no one questions me and I hand the Hertz lady a drivers license and credit card and she gives me a Kia Optima. I'm not a kid. I am 31 and people, for the most part, automatically trust me. Weird.

I'm committed to a summer of getting healthier. I've wanted to do it for a while but health issues have kicked me in the rear. I'm on week three of my diet and I'm learning that I need to know my options. When my husband and I are on the road and we stop at a fast food joint, I need to know what I can actually eat there. So, tonight I visited the websites of the fast food places I most frequent and I looked up the calorie counts to my go-to items. Here they are:

Arby’s

Regular roast beef 360

Small curly fries 450

McDonald’s

McChicken 360

Small fries 230

6 nuggets 280

10 nuggets 470

Chick-Fil- A

Chicken sandwich 430

8 nuggets 260

Medium fruit cup 70

Small fruit cup 50

Small waffle fries 27

Regular Lemonade 170

Diet Lemonade 15

Wendy’s

10 nuggets 450

Value fries 230

Small chili 210

JR Vanilla Frosty 180

Pizza Hut

6” cheese 590

6 “ pepperoni 610

one breadstick 140

marinara (3oz) 60

2 pieces / garlic parm boneless wing 260

Wawa

Chicken parm sandwich 570

Turkey on regular shorti 450

Turkey on wheat shorti 490

Italian on regular shorti 530

Things I learned:

1. I love bread but bread will be the hard for maintaining a low calorie meal.

2. Bye bye Pizza Hut. I've loved knowing you. I will especially miss you, my dear garlic parmesan boneless nuggets.

3. Chick-Fil-A can stay in the game: nuggets, fruit cup, and diet lemonade aren't terrible. Thank you!

4. Oh, french fries, I don't know what I'm going to do about you.

5. Is a wheat roll really more calories than a regular roll??

I've got pride issues.

I'm kinda depressed because I just spent the last hour looking up high school and college acquaintances. Then I ask myself, "what have done with my life?" Which is total crap because I really love my life. It's just in nights like this that my pride issue becomes really obvious to me.

I am an introvert, an extreme introvert. In college, I learned that being an introvert or extrovert is related to how you gain or lose energy. The question to ask is: at the end of a long day, how do you recharge? Do you want to grab a beer with some friends or stay home by yourself? 95% of the time the answer is I want you to leave me alone.

I've decided not to go to one of my family's memorial day picnics. Primarily because I am an introvert. The last couple of months my energy level has been super low. This week in particular is really low. So when faced with two picnic options: 30 people or 10 people. I picked 10 and I see them all the time, so there isn't small talk. In fact, I can take a nap on the couch and they wouldn't really care. But I am a little sad that I am the way that I am. That I can't muster up what I need to see my family. I feel a little bad that I told my family that I sometimes find these big gatherings emotionally and socially draining and now I wish I hadn't been so honest with them. But the truth is the truth and I thought it was better than just never responding to the invitation and never showing up at the picnic. I'm hoping that my energy level will improve quickly and I'll be able to make it to the next family picnic.

As the years continue to pass, the more I am convinced that I married the right man. I mean, I never had a doubt, but more and more I see how we fit together. True, I drive him crazy a lot of the time and sometimes he even drives me crazy. But I still believe God put us together for a reason, and I am grateful for the ongoing confirmation that I heard God correctly. I love how well God knows me and knows Timmy and I love how sometimes it feels like he knew all along that Tim Kaiser and Melissa Rolon would be a good match.

Hold up!

I just looked up the word "affection" in the dictionary and one of the "use this word in sentence" examples was "the prisoners crave affection and hence participate in sexual relationships." What? Is this really the best sentence you can come up with for "affection" ?

Alright, so I have an issue with network TV. They create these new shows. They air them and want us to watch them. So, I watch them and I watch a lot of them. And then they cancel them after a season or sometimes not even a full season. Chase, Off the Map, No Ordinary Family, The Cape, Law & Order: LA, The Event. All killed in their first season and all I can hope for is the producers of the individual shows were given enough notice so that I can have a little bit of closer. (Thank you, Jerry Bruckheimer, for Chase's closure.) This makes me not want to watch new shows. Why bother getting into a show if the chances are very good it will be cancelled? I feel like the jaded woman who doesn't want to give love another try because she's had her heart broken too often.

I was at a prayer meeting last night. Not at all having to do with some people predicting today is Judgment Day and the beginning of the end. The opposite actually. We got together to seek God regarding BRV's future and the plans we're making. We wanted to come together to ask him for his leading and wisdom. As I sat there with my friends, leaders, and partners, I had this thought - even if Judgment Day were today, even if the rapture did happen and we all were gone in an instant, I think God was pleased with our meeting. I think he would want us seeking him and working for his kingdom until the very end. I think he would always want us moving forward. Cloud-watching (or earthquake watching) not good.

BRV is going to change this weekend. The change is already happening but it's going public this weekend. It's exciting; I'm looking forward to it. But there is something a little ... I'm not sure what the word is. I just know that next year, my church will look different, very different.

This afternoon we got one of those "This is not a bill" statements from our insurance company. It's just an explanation of benefits during a recent visit to a doctor. In my case, I had a couple of doctor visits and a series of tests done and we racked up a non-bill of $37,000. Good golly! Good thing that wasn't a real bill. Thankfully, I only had three $10 copays. Thirty bucks - I can handle $30. I'm grateful that Timmy works and provides our family with health insurance. I'm grateful that he works for a hospital and it's good insurance. Perhaps others would say it isn't good insurance, but all I know is that if I'm ever sick or think somethings not right or fall and break my shoulder, I go to Crozer and they take care of me and I get a "This is not a bill" statement instead of a "you owe me forty grand" statement.

You know the saying - it's the thought that counts. It's true.

This afternoon Timmy told me that this morning during his drive from work, he tried to win me tickets to a preview of the new tv show Franklin and Bash. Why? Because its star Mark-Paul Gosselaar would be at the event and Timmy knows how special MP is to me. Dito. My husband is the sweetest.

Oh I forgot a funny story from this week. I was driving in Media, windows down, music blaring. Not unusual for me. Then I laughed when I realized what was blaring: Redneck Woman, Gretchen Wilson. I thought of this brown girl driving in this white town and that song really, really loud. I shook my head at myself. Then I remembered Timmy telling me about the time he and Billy were at a red light blaring that same song and singing along. That was probably an even more ridiculous sight :)

I have weird taste in music. At least, I think so or rather, I've been told. I'm not sure I'm weird so much as varied. Usually when I listen to the my iPod, I decide what genre I'm in the mood for and then shuffle within that genre. But today, I did something I never do - I just shuffled through my entire song collection. The first ten songs that came through made me laugh.

Let's Get Married - Jagged Edge ft Run DMC

You Are Not Alone - Michael Jackson

It's Not Unusual - Tom Jones

I Hear Your Call - Rod Snyder

Martyr & Thieves - Jennifer Knapp

White Boys - from Hair

Esta Cobardia - Frankie Ruiz

Don't Let Me Lonely Tonight - James Taylor

83 - John Mayer

Lean On Me - Bill Withers

I feel this thing in my chest. It's big and heavy and kind of makes it hard to breath. I want to cry it out but I can't.

This morning I read some news that made me sad. It was one of those moments when I had to close my eyes and sigh deeply. Then tonight, I read some more news that...well, at first it left me feeling completely shocked and then it felt like a broken heart and now it's hard to breathe.

I feel so sad. I feel like we're settling too much. We're settling for less than what God wants for us because it's hard to follow God completely. But if we keep settling than what's left: a Gospel that's not really good news, a God who's tame. I don't want to settle. I know I may look or feel foolish going for it or it may be hard and I may want to give up but I don't want to settle.

God help me to fight hard for you. I want to be like you. Your forgiveness knows no limit. Your patience infinite. Thank you for treating us better than we treat you or treat each other. Please teach us. Teach me.

700 people? How does that even happen? This Easter weekend, the church's attendance record of 563 was obliterated by 700 friends and guests. At our staff meeting earlier this week, we went around the table and made our predictions: 535. 550. 575. 600! 600 was dreaming big. Wow, really, could we reach 600 this weekend when we just reached 500 for the first time earlier this year? When I received the text that said 700, I asked if it were a typo. Wow. Incredible. I sent our senior pastor a text and joked "we should start another church." It was a joke because we are actively praying about a new site to launch in the fall. His response to my text, "why didn't I think of that" :) 700. Amazing.

Christ is Risen!