22 April 2011

It's Good Friday and as part of our Leap of Faith season, I just read Luke 22:47-23:25 - the arrest and trial against Jesus. Of all that is said in those few sections, one verse especially stood out to me.

"But this is your hour - when darkness reigns." Luke 22:53

I think Jesus is being quite literal in this passage. He starts by saying that the charges against him are for things he has done and said in the middle of the day for anyone and everyone to hear. He has not been secretive in any way. Yet, now, when the priests and the soldiers come to arrest Jesus, they do it when it's dark and there isn't a crowd. Jesus, while committing his alleged crimes, had nothing to hide. Yet, the leaders, who were seeking holy justice, hid under the dark of night.

Particularly what struck me with this verse was the attitude I heard in my own voice when I read it. This is your hour, Satan. This is your moment when your darkness will reign most. This is it. This night is the high point for Satan when he thinks he has done it - defeated God. His darkness reigns! But he's wrong. When I read this verse, it sounds like this, "Enjoy it. This is your one moment. Enjoy it while it lasts because we (Jesus and the Father) are not done." That's what I hear when I read "But this is your hour - when darkness reigns."

It's Friday, but Sunday's coming.

17 April 2011

"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfil? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

One Week


I'm not sure. I'm not sure if anyone can ever really answer that outside of being in the situation. But I think I would talk a lot. I already talk a lot but I think I would talk a lot more. I would want to tell those dearest to me just how much I loved them and I would want to encourage them and challenge them. I would thank my friends and family for loving me because I am deeply loved. I wouldn't want to go somewhere exotic or see a band or fulfill a crazy dream. I'd want to stay right here in southeastern PA because I love home. And I'd want Timmy to never leave my side. And I'd want to worship Jesus with a new perspective and a new hope.

What book would I write? I've always wanted to write my story. That's part of the reason I journal but really 90% of my journals wouldn't make sense to anyone other than me. But I've always wanted to write my story but when I start, I get bogged down with sentence structure and word choice. I get overwhelmed with how important my stories are to me that they never make it to text. Lately, I keep taking notice of those new programs where you speak and it turns it to an electronic document. I watch those commercials and think "I could speak my stories and then edit them. That's probably easier than starting from scratch." I want to do that. There's no reason not to. Why not buy this software or ask for it for Christmas and do something I've always wanted to do? I want my story to last longer than me.

16 April 2011

Wow. I just discovered Turkey Hill's Peanut Butter Pie Frozen Yogurt: peanut butter frozen yogurt with peanut butter cup pieces and a graham crust swirl. I didn't think I would like the graham crust swirl but it was amazing!!

13 April 2011

14 years ago, I had this profound experience with God, and I knew I would never be the same. Thank you, Jesus, for knowing my need when I didn't, saving me when I couldn't, and fighting for me when I wouldn't.

12 April 2011

I don't think it's a coincidence that I seem to reconnect with God right when I am facing a personal crisis. It's like he knows that I couldn't handle it on my own.
Last night I had a dream that the church got over $60,000 in cash. But the dream quickly turned bad when every time I counted the money, it came to a different total. I'm not sure how many times I counted that money in my dream. Yeah, that's my job seeping into my rest time.

10 April 2011

The headline read Would Jesus believe in evolution?. It made me laugh at first. Not the idea of Jesus believing in evolution but that Jesus would believe. In believing, you're saying "I accept this as true" or "I feel sure that this is true". But there is a still a possibility of being wrong. You will never hear me say "I believe that I am a girl." No, I AM a girl. No doubt.

So, originally, I laughed at the idea that Jesus would believe in anything since he is God and I laughed at the idea that he believed in evolution because he was at the beginning and knows exactly what went down. But then comes all of the theological questions and ideas about Jesus' omniscience. Did Jesus actually know everything when he was earth? Or did he relinquish some of that power so that he could be more like his fellow humans when he walked on this earth? Hmm, interesting.

On a side note to this blog entry: I thought the article was pretty lame.

08 April 2011

Being a girl can be hard, but one thing I love about being a girl is having girlfriends. I love my husband. He is incredibly satisfying but there is a part of me that can only be tended by my girls.

07 April 2011

I once heard a sermon where the pastor said that your spouse is God's perfect provision for you. I think that's beautiful and worth remembering for the rest of my life. Today, when I felt scared and vulnerable, Timmy gave me what I needed because he lets God provide for me through him.

06 April 2011

Dissatisfied with the adjective "great" in my blog subheading. One adjective that encompasses my husband and all that he means to me. "Great" seems so...blah.

05 April 2011

I regularly have what Timmy calls "freak outs". A lot of stuff happens to me in that blurry space between sleep and reality. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night screaming or gasping for air. Sometimes I don't even wake up from it. I don't remember it in the morning until Timmy tells me about it. It happens regularly enough that it doesn't freak Timmy out any more. He just rolls over and tells me to go back to sleep. Well, last night, Timmy wasn't there but I remember on my own.

I dreamt I was being attacked. I think it was by an animal and I was screaming for help. My arms were flailing trying to protect myself from this animal but it kept attacking me. I finally woke up to realize I must have been screaming in the real world because my dog was awake and excited and I was hitting her with my flailing arms. Hers was the fur from the animal I felt in my dream. Oops. Sorry, JJ honey. I didn't mean to freak out on you. Mi malo.

04 April 2011

I've decided to take over this blog. Technically, it belongs to me and Timmy. While he is still a contributor and is welcome to make a post whenever he wants, he won't be because he created a new one. So, I'm taking over. Just me.

03 April 2011

Feeling kind of weepy these days. Weepy in a good way. That I might cry at any moment but if I did, it doesn't mean it's bad.

Reading Luke tonight. One line read "As they (Jesus and his disciples) sailed, he (Jesus) fell asleep." My eyes started to well up. So human. I would do that.

07 June 2010

please pray for me

I'm so nervous and feeling so insecure. I want to time travel to tomorrow night at 10pm when I will be sitting on my couch with everything behind me. I'm still not prepared. I am scared of letting down everyone who believes in me. I'm going to try to sleep now and give my brain a rest. But I'm planning on waking up super early to work on it some more before work. I don't know if anyone actually reads this, but if you do and if you pray, would you please pray for me?

05 June 2010

Tuesday

So, I have this talk on Tuesday night. I keep calling it a talk so as to not freak myself out but really, it's a sermon. 20-25 minutes. On the stage. In the sanctuary. With a microphone lapel and a PowerPoint clicker. I'm a little nervous now, but I expect to be a total mess on Tuesday including nausea, upset stomach, and diarrhea. Unfortunately, that's not an exaggeration.

The youth interns have asked to me to speak on marriage as part of their "Getting Love Right" series. It's something I'm super passionate about. Not just because I think Timmy is the best but because I think God is the best and I'm continually amazed at the institution of marriage.

But I am overwhelmed. I have this one opportunity, 20 minutes, in hopes that it will leave a mark on these kids and lead them down the path to a God-honoring marriage. So much to say but what to say. I believe God is guiding me but I hope that I am hearing him. I told Timmy today that what I really need is just to relax and be myself. The truth is that I respect marriage. If I don't get hung up on details but just speak on the truth of the holiness of marriage, I'll be okay. It's the structure that I'm freaking out about. Hence, my insistence to keep referring to it as a talk instead of a sermon.

And in related new....
Earlier this week, Al and Tipper Gore announced their separation after 40 years of marriage. Yesterday morning, Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Lisa Anne Russell announced their separation after 14 years of marriage. Today, Cesar and Illusion Milan announced their separation after 19 years of marriage. I feel more aware of the attack on marriages. I feel more convicted that someone needs to stand for them. I feel like I need to help those teenagers see that this may be normal but it's not right. Life happens. We're broken and we live in a broken world. But please don't settle for the brokenness. Fight for what God always intended.

25 May 2010

Jaws

I am really tense these days and my jaw is telling me just how much. I don't know if this is just a recent thing, but I am holding all my tension in my jaw and it hurts. Most of my work at the church has been related to finances - very stressful. And I am constantly thinking about this marriage talk I have in two week. I feel it in my face and it hurts. I don't know how to stop it.

16 May 2010

I broke my spatula!

A year ago today, I tripped over my sandals and broke my shoulder.

I remember:

1. Dave and Joe praying for me while I was sitting on the grass waiting for a medic and then getting bandaged up. I was really grateful for their prayers because I wasn't really thinking about praying about my pain.

2. When I told the paramedics that my husband was a medic and he was meeting us at Crozer, they asked me who was my husband. When I said Tim Kaiser. The one smiled, looked at the other, and said, "we've got Tim Kaiser's wife."

3. The one paramedic was wrapping my arm and the other was kneeling in front of me. He asked me if it helped me to grab his knee. That's when I realized I has been holding his knee the entire time. I told him yes and he said that was okay.

4. People were looking at me through the windows of their apartments. I was putting on a show. There was a cop car and an ambulance and a woman on the grass unable to stand up on her own.

5. When I first fell, I called Katrina, since I was on her street. While she was getting help, I left Timmy a message telling him that I thought I hurt myself. When he called back, I started crying and couldn't talk to him. Katrina spoke to him. He told her to call the ambulance and that he would meet us at Crozer.

6. When they were carrying me to the ambulance, I said outloud, "Jesus please." The one medic said, "it's okay." My response: "oh no, that was a real prayer."

7. The drugs in the ambulance were awesome. Really awesome. They worked instantly and didn't make feel loopy. I was amazed.

8. Katrina drove in the ambulance with me. It was an another adventure. We like going on adventures together.

9. Timmy had called out sick that night because he was sick. So, all of his platoon buddies were working while we were at the hospital. They all came to check in on me. It was nice. They even reminded me of the last time Timmy and I were at the hospital together. It was two years earlier when Timmy broke his shoulder. I went into the medics' office and told them Timmy had broken his spatula :) At that moment, I knew I had said the wrong word but it was too late :) When Timmy's one co-worker walked in, I told him, "I broke my spatula."

10. Mark tried to visit me. He had heard about it from Joe; they were both at the Media Prom. Mark asked Barb if it was okay for him to leave to check in on me. She said yes. But unfortunately, he went to Riddle. That made sense - Riddle is the local hospital. But I wasn't there. We did get to speak on the phone, though.

11. The drugs at the hospital weren't as good as the ones in the ambulance. I turned to Katrina and said "this one makes me feel loopy." She laughed at me because I didn't have to tell her that; she already knew.

12. They needed a urine sample for a pregnancy test before they could do the x-ray. So Timmy and the nurse walked me to the bathroom. I told Timmy that I would try to do it myself and I would call out if I needed him. I called him in when I realized I couldn't zip my pants back up. So, he helped me with my pants and then proceeded to collect my urine sample. We walked out together and he handed the sample to the nurse. She said something like "oh, you took care of it already." His response: "Yeah, if anyone should deal with her urine, it should be me." I instantly thought, "so this is what in sickness and in health means." He's wiling to deal with pee :)

That's what I really remember from that night. I remember all the people who were concerned for me and cared me: Timmy and Katrina who stayed by my side. Joe and Dave whose first thoughts were to pray for me. Mark and Marti who couldn't wait and had to call us. Mary who was being a good mom and worrying at home. Timmy's friends who checked in. I felt loved.

12 May 2010

Things I Got From My Parents

Tonight I had cherry jello with vanilla ice cream. I got that from my dad. Well, not exactly. I grew up watching my dad eat cherry jello with milk poured over it. I haven't had that since I was a teenager, but lately that's been sounding really good. So, tonight, since I don't drink whole milk anymore, I thought vanilla ice cream stirred until it was soft would be an acceptable substitute. It was.

From my mother, I picked up the habit of dropping an egg into a boiling pot of Lipton Noodle Soup. Ah, man that is one of my favorites. This winter (and spring), I had that as least once a week, more like twice. I also discovered that when I am out of Lipton soup, Ramen is a decent substitute. I've had that so much the last few months, that my teeth hurt now when I have it. I'm going to have to switch to Sensodyne because there is no way I am giving up my chicken noodle soup with an egg.

Other things I got from my parents: I bite my tongue when I'm angry like my dad and I regularly get an itch to watch Shirley Temple and Chuck Norris like my mom.

27 April 2010

Old School

When Timmy and I became engaged, he decided that if he would be occasionally driving my car two things would have to change. First, my car needed EZ-PASS, no more scavenging for coins. Second, my car needed a CD player, no more ancient cassettes. So, my fiance added my car to his EZ-PASS account and he bought me a new stereo. I have been very grateful for both.

However, there are times when I miss my cassettes. I miss the music and the memories they carried. So every now and then, I give in and buy a cd of a cassette I once owned. And it is giving in because I'm cheap and don't want to buy again what I already bought. Last year, I tracked down two cds by a latin worship artist because she sang a few of the songs that I first learned when I became a Christian. When I feel spiritually low, those are some of the songs I want to hear the most. So, I gave in and bought the cds. This weekend I gave in again. I bought Color Me Badd's "Time and Chance". Man, I love that CD. It's my theory no music will sound as good to you as the music you loved when you were a kid. The next on my list is to buy Tevin Campbell's "I'm Ready." Oh man, I love that cd so much too!! I was planning on downloading it the same time as CMB, but I'm having iTunes issues. And yes, when I say "buy a cd," I mean download it from iTunes. Does anyone besides my husband still buy cds? So, yeah, Tevin Campbell is definitely next and I'm sure, at some point, I'll have to get Taylor Dayne's "Tell It To My Heart." I really miss that one too.

25 April 2010

I'm Putting My Foot Down...

Below is an open letter to my friends and family. I hope you'll consider joining me:

- - - - -

So here I am doing something I have never done before, but I feel God saying, “give it a try.” Over the last few years, my church Blue Route Vineyard has entered into relationship with Love146, an organization committed to the abolition of child sex slavery and exploitation through prevention and aftercare. It’s an issue that makes us sick to our stomachs and a cause worth supporting. Wouldn’t we do just about anything if it were our daughter or our sister or our niece who was trapped in this devastating and disgusting life?

During the months of May and June, I will join Love146 in their Tread on Trafficking campaign. People from around the country will be putting the miles they run, walk, and swim to work by raising money for Love146 and the people they serve. Some of you might know that last fall, I joined the local YMCA and for the first time in my life, I find myself regularly exercising, mostly on the treadmill and the elliptical. When I heard about this new campaign, I thought, “why not? I’m racking up miles anyway. I might as well ask my friends and family to support me.” The more I thought about it, the more I felt God was encouraging me to give it a try. So here I am asking for your support. Perhaps together we can do a small part in the work to the end sexual slavery.

There are few ways you can support me, Love146, and the children effected:

1: PRAY: if you are praying person, pray that human trafficking ends. Pray there will be a time when Love146 doesn’t have to exist anymore. Pray for the complete restoration of the survivors.

2: RUN: Or walk. Or swim. Consider joining us in making your miles count toward a better life for survivors of child slavery. For more information on how to join, visit my page through the link below and click on “Register.” You can start your own team, join as an individual person, or join a preexisting team. You’re welcome to join Team BRV. Even if you don’t go to BRV, we’d love to have you.

3: GIVE: Sponsor me in my effort to raise $500 for Love146. Or if you want to challenge me, sponsor each of my miles. 50 cents a mile? A dollar a mile? Maybe more? I can tell you now that I run/walk at least five miles a week. That’s 40 miles over the course of this eight-week campaign. But if you’re willing to give per mile, I’m willing to push myself in the gym like never before. To give, visit my page through the link below. To sponsor my miles, call or email me. At the end of June, I’ll let you know how many miles I did and then you can give your gift to Love146.

Thank you for reading this letter and for learning about what I hope to do. If anything, I hope you stopped to consider the terrible reality that child sexual slavery does exist and it needs to end.

Melissa Kaiser



Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Love 146

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